Going back

In that painful moment of hurt you swear
you’ll never forgive,
In that raging moment of anger you swear you’ll
never forget,
That wound,
That insult,
Never going back to that place,
Never going back to that person,
But during the separation the bruising fades,
The pain subsides,
Your curiosity forces you to reappraise,
To reacquaint,
Your return is cathartic,
An exorcism,
You’re empowered by your choice to forget,
Made stronger by your ability to forgive,
And you start again.

Selfishness saves lives

Selfishness saves lives. We’re under pressure to think of other people first. To put our needs last. Doing what you want to do is seen as an act of selfishness. Instead you are supposed to do things you don’t want to do just to please others. A cloudy sense of duty forces you to conform. However, selfishness is a misused word. Accusations of selfishness are a common weapon used in emotional blackmail. If you set yourself up as a selfless generous person, you’re setting yourself up for a disappointment. The ’if I’m kind to everyone, everyone will be kind to me’ philosophy hopefully goes only as far as the first betrayal. The human animal is very difficult to please. You can go right out of your way to please them and they still resent it. It’s a terrible thing to realise that that you have wasted years trying to make everyone else happy (mostly in vain) at the expense of your own happiness. Putting your own happiness first is not such a heartless action. The only person you really have any control over is yourself. Do as much to make yourself happy as possible. A contented person is a strong person and a strong person is an inspiration. If making time for yourself is selfish then the concept of selfishness is wrong. Selfishness saves lives.

Single

Without a partner,
Without a shoulder to cry on,
Only the cold shoulder,
The hard shoulder,
Convinced that you’re boring,
You’re ugly,
A sad case,
Forgotten how it feels to hold someone,
Forgotten how it feels to be in love,
It’s worse if you never have,
You feel vulnerable,
Insecure,
Kidding yourself that you don’t need to be in a relationship,
That you’re better off alone,
Raging envy,
Hate their happiness,
Ridicule it,
Can’t remember how to impress,
Rusty chat,
Irreparable charm,
They belong to another species,
Untouchable,
Forget your successes,
Dwell on your failures,
The rejections,
Wallow in the pain of unrequited love,
Make it your reason not to bother,
So bitter,
So foolish,
Drown yourself in booze,
Numb yourself with drugs,
Listen to your involved friends complain about their relationships,
But they’re not going to tell you how wonderful love is,
They’re going to bring up frictions and go on about how hard done by they are,
They say they envy your freedom,
But you envy them more than they will ever know,
You have no one to spend your money on,
They are victors in a game you are too scared and hurt to play,
But they are no better than you my friend,
They were just in the right place at the right time,
As you will be,
Love neglects no one.

Truth

They won’t admit their weaknesses. But that’s where it’s at: being human. Admitting weakness. Admitting fear. Admitting mistakes. The best way to impress someone is to cut through the mock-perfect front and admit to being fallible. It’s easy to think that you’re a wreck when all those around you are carefully hiding their own errors. We’re all in the same boat and it’s always refreshing to hear someone admit something instead of being full of self-importance. Perfect is a big stinking lie. Imperfect is truth. We’re all hopelessly flawed. If we all confess our weaknesses we might be able to give each other some genuine help.

The chip

Everyone has a chip on their shoulder. You don’t get this far without having some personal grievance with life. Too fat? Too ugly? Did circumstances conspire against you somewhere down the line? You can feel good but then you start thinking about it. You remember. The chip on your shoulder rears its ugly head to spoil your happiness. Often it’s something too embarrassing and painful to talk about. You don’t want people to bring it up. Identify it and confront yourself about it. You might find some better way of dealing with it or even a way to put it behind you for good. Remember, everyone has a chip on their shoulder but they hide it well. They would sooner have you believe they are perfect.

Dimebag

He spoke for the last time to his brother,
Then took that final walk on stage,
The gunman rushed out of the crowd,
Firing,
Firing,
Firing,
He lay dead,
His guitar still alive and screaming,
He was my hero,
We had never met but still I felt bereaved,
He died for nothing,
For no reason,
But to millions of fans he will never die,
I’ll remember him forever,
Listen to him forever,
You showed me what it was all about.
Thank you.

Reminders

My Granddad Alf went to sea on a hospital ship
when war broke out,
My Granddad Les went into Europe with the Artillery,
They saw death and destruction in a war that
affected the whole world,
They didn’t know when it would end,
They didn’t know if they would even survive,
All they knew was that they had no choice,
When I think I’ve got it bad,
When I think that life sucks,
I look at the photos they gave me,
Black and white photos taken in
dangerous places,
They are smiling.
And so do I.

Everything is everywhere

Tired of these same streets,
Tired of these same people,
But streets like these are everywhere,
People like this are everywhere,
You could travel to the end of the earth and it would be
just as familiar,
They would be as familiar,
Everything is everywhere.

In one sentence or less

We sum up each others lives in one sentence or less,
Their failings are the most interesting aspect of their lives,
We want to dish the dirt,
The scandal,
That friendly guy you just met?
His wife left him,
That girl who served us coffee?
She used to be an alcoholic,
One mean little sentence to sum up an entire life,
Like a jaded tabloid reporter focusing on what
sells papers,
Who cares how long ago it was?
Who cares if your version is inaccurate?
And how we bristle when it’s done to us.

Bragging rights

Humans just love to brag. When you’re a kid it’s who has the best parents, toys, bike etc. In you’re twenties and thirties it’s all who has the best job, most money, best car etc. But then the bragging criteria changes from who has it the best to who has it the worst. Social networking sites for people in their forties and fifties often tell hard luck stories as if to say ‘you think you’ve had it hard? Wait to hear my story!” Later in life in the retirement home, it’s all about who has the most ailments ’If I just had what you’ve got, I’d consider myself lucky!’

Under the regime

We are living under the regime,
There has to be a regime or chaos would reign,
There has to be leaders,
There has to be people in charge,
People who answer to no one,
These people must make every bad decision possible,
These people must create problems for those living under
the regime,
These people must not care,
The people at the top must have no empathy for the people
at the bottom,
The people at the bottom must dislike and distrust the people at the top,
The leaders have the power,
They can do what they like,
They can make it very difficult for the individual,
They have the authority,
We live on under the regime.

Human

I’ll laugh at your problems because I’m human,
I’ll think of myself first because I’m human,
I’ll take it all inside because I’m human,
You see an act,
I won’t say what I really mean because I’m human,
So human,
Predator and prey rolled into one,
I go from confidence to insecurity in a flash,
What I can and can’t do confuses me,
I can’t handle it all because I’m human just like you,
Too much to understand,
Too many distractions,
Contradictory information,
Mixed signals,
The horror of life makes me hide inside myself,
I end up just like those I hate,
We all do,
What I was sure of yesterday,
I’m not too sure of today,
What I think now is not what I thought then,
Everything is funny,
Everything can be criticised,
Everything can be destroyed,
I can’t be trusted because I’m human,
We won’t find the answer because there isn’t one,
I’ll change my mind,
I’ll take offence,
I’ll get it all wrong,
I won’t play the game because I’m human.

Real life

Real life is broken glass,
Debt,
Crime,
Disease,
To hell with your stupid human emotions,
Real life has nothing to do with the mess inside your head,
Real life is there regardless,
Torrential rain,
Mechanical failure,
Real life is beyond your control,
When the hurricane blows it’s going to take
The roof off your house,
No matter what sort of mood you’re in.
There’s something strangely comforting about that.

Hindsight

If only I knew then what I know now,
Hindsight screams out that you have fucked up,
Hindsight turns you on yourself,
Looking back is a bad habit,
The successes get forgotten,
The good times are unclear and poorly
remembered,
The failures are crystal clear,
Every tiny detail intact in the memory,
Hindsight is an enemy,
Treat it as such.

I don't care

They want to upset,
I wish I could shut them out,
But even the most untrue remarks can pierce the armour
sometimes,
Some days they can get you almost as bad as they want to,
You try to not care but the bastards can be so low that it’s impossible
to ignore them,
You think you are getting better at dealing with them,
But then they really stick the knife in,
They remind you how vulnerable you really are,
That you’re not as emotionally tough as you would like to be,
You eventually harden to certain situations but you can never be
fully prepared,
They can hurt you,
You do care.

The pursuit of worry

Give me something to worry about,
I can’t allow myself to be totally happy,
There must be something to spoil it,
A problem presents itself and I handle it badly,
No possible solution,
The end of the world,
But when I find that the problem is gone I’m
still not satisfied,
Something has to take its place,
I need new worries,
I just can’t enjoy myself all the way,
There always has to be some shit on the ice-cream,
Don’t tell me you are any different.

1000 contestants

1000 contestants in a lifelong bullshit talking competition,
A tidal wave of empty talk comes flushing out of their mouths,
The love of melodrama,
The hard done by stories,
The way they think that bad luck only comes to them,
The pretentious chest puffin trips,
So important for no apparent reason,
Smug with nothing to be smug about,
Trying to impress with nothing impressive,
All handing out the free advice,
With mock conviction in their eyes,
You can find yourself almost believing what they say,
Then you snap out of it,
I know I’m hopelessly outnumbered,
They’re out there waiting to speak to me,
To try and educate me,
To inflict their shit on me,
I try to desensitise myself but they always find new
Ways to creep in the bullshit dialogue,
Turn your brain off and give it to me;
What’s your latest accusation?
What’s your latest denial?
What’s your latest hang up?
What’s your latest paranoia?
What’s your latest neurosis?
What’s your latest excuse?
Don’t worry about logic,
Don’t worry about reality,
Don’t worry about fact,
Don’t worry about the unlikelihood of what
You say actually happening,
Don’t let these things cloud your argument,
100000 contestants in a lifelong bullshit talking competition
all regurgitate their well practiced spiel,
I should be grateful for all the free entertainment.

Fragile attacker

Fragile attacker,
Made of paper,
Insulting you,
Provoking you,
You take a deep breath and blow,
They crash to the ground,
Mortally wounded,
They attack but retaliation
cripples them,
In their fantasy world it's a
one way street,
You have no right to defend yourself,
Against such a fragile attacker.

Boy racer funeral

Boy-racer funeral,
His friends stand with their heads bowed in
respect for the fallen hero,
That is the friends that weren’t in the car at the time,
In the fireball,
What a terrible accident,
But is overtaking on the brow of a hill whilst
racing a stranger an accident?
Or an act of gross stupidity?
Eye witness reports claimed his car was doing
over a hundred,
It was a miracle that no one in the oncoming car was killed,
The other boy-racer saw what happened and kept going,
Five boys were killed,
Aged between 17 and 20,
His mother and father weep uncontrollably,
But they can’t forget what the police said,
And they can’t forget about the other boys who died with him,
Because of him,
They can’t forget that it’s a boy-racer funeral.

Never been

Never been a learner driver,
Never been new to the job,
Never been nervous,
Never made a mistake,
Never lied your way out,
Never hurt someone's feelings,
Never felt stupid,
Never felt lonely,
Never cried,
We choose to forget these things,
They impair our desire to gloat.

A good son

No stolen property in the wardrobe,
No needle marks in the arm,
No unwanted pregnancies,
Never stole money from you,
Never stole a car,
Never phoned you from the cells,
Whatever else you may think;
You've got a good son.

It's amazing how they justify

It's amazing how they justify,
It's amazing how they make it alright,
Turn it around on you,
Make you the answerable one,
They keep on justifying,
Blocking out the truth and repeating the lie,
Continued deception,
Lies are weapon,
To conceal,
It's amazing how they justify.

Shut the hospitals

Shut the hospitals,
Close the schools,
Make it easier to die,
Make it harder to be educated,
Is this all part of the masterplan?
Make them ill,
Make them stupid,
Make them easier to control,
The last thing you want is too many
strong and intelligent citizens,
They would overthrow you in an afternoon.

We the persecuted

We the persecuted,
Ill and opressed,
Targets they cannot miss,
Keep us down,
Keep the whining dogs quiet,
Show us the futility in resistance,
Use us,
Grind us,
Silence us,
Let repetition blind us,
So that we can't see that
we are the persecuted.

Don't wage war on your enemies

Don’t wage war on your enemies,
That takes guts.
Wage war on your friends,
Your loved ones,
Take your frustration out on them,
Erode unity,
Erode love,
Punish the innocent to avenge
Your spineless handling of the guilty.

Death of a romance

Death of a romance,
Ruin of a friendship,
Wrong emotions,
Wrong words,
Misunderstandings unresolved,
So easy to feud,
So easy to hate,
So easy to destroy,
Those you once confided in,
Those you once loved;
Are now targets,
Cease communication,
Take sides,
Guilty by association,
Analyse every moment you spent with them,
Every word spoken,
Beat your chest,
Cover your sense of loss with
Delusions of innocence and perfection,
It couldn’t possibly have been anything you did.

Depression

Depression comes over like a wave. Does there need to be a reason? It all builds up. It creeps up on you. So much to think about that you can think about nothing. One large unmanageable mess. You can’t think about things one at a time. Thoughts get scrambled at times like these. Information overload. Negative, self-defeating thoughts attack you at your weakest moment. When you’re hungry. When you’re too tired. When you’re too hot. When you’re too cold. When you’re too far away. When you’re out of time. No answer to your problems. You feel useless. That all these hard years have been for nothing. You have been tricked, humoured and ignored all the way. You feel ugly. Stupid. Everyone else seems so together. They don’t seem to have problems like you have. They’re always. Having a good time. They are so confident. They just get on with it. Or so it seems. A lot of them are just pretending to be happy. Behind the fronts we choose to project cower very sensitive creatures. Depression is a massive underground cult. A well kept secret. A taboo subject. An admittance of weakness. An emotion that creates a torture chamber in the mind. Especially at night when things blow out of proportion to the point of ridiculousness. You can imagine any conspiracy occurring. It all falls into place. Depression supplies the problem, futility hides the solution and frustration delivers the final blow. If you’re lucky it makes you angry. But if it really gets you bad you just sit there not knowing how to even begin to handle it. It dents your spirit. It shuts you down. This is the most damaging time. There really seems no escape. Somehow you have to find your way back. To return to a normal functioning mode. Most of the time you can keep on top of it. Your emotional self defence system is working properly. But depression and frustration are always waiting to invade and occupy. Things seem to be going well then you start to erode. You start to crack. The good mood turns sour. The humour dies. The saving sense of irony collapses. Self doubt, panic, worry, insecurity and paranoia seem to be the brains favourite operating modes. The human being should be on product recall.

Stupid questions

They ask you stupid questions,
Because they’re bored
They try to irritate
Because they’re bored
They want to know why
Because they’re bored
You’re there to amuse
Because they’re bored
When you have nothing to think about
and you give them something
they milk it for all it’s worth
So bored with their lives
The same over and over again
Desperate
Like a disease
Please entertain us
Please relieve our boredom
We would rather feel anything than this.