Notebooks, scrawl and glory

Introduction

2011-07-03T01:41:00.001-07:00

Advice

2011-01-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

Don’t take relationship advice from those
in fucked up relationships,
They can only tell you to do what they don’t,
What they won’t,
They want to live vicariously through you,
They comment on your life as if it were a
storyline in a soap opera,
They want you to forget about their own dysfunctional relationships,
The miserable life they spend hours telling you about,
Instead they want to give you a pep talk,
To inspire you into action,
To send you off to get the justice they will never obtain,
So you can crash and burn for their entertainment,
The only useful advice they can give is for you to never end up like them.

How do you think it went?

You do it for yourself when you ask how the funeral went,
Do you feel that you’ve offered your condolences when you
rub salt in that wound?
Practice your best sympathetic face,
Get the caring voice right,
Have no concept of how your victim would rather talk about
Something else,
Watching them choking back the tears is worth it,
As long as you feel that you’ve shown that you care.

2011-01-04T13:24:00.001-08:00

Silence

2011-01-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

I want to let it all out,
To smash it in anger and not clean up the mess,
To tell the truth and not water it down,
To be counted alone and feel better for it,
Why do I hold so much back?
Why am I protecting these predators?
They consider me as their prey,
I could hurt them but I don’t,
Any prick can use violence,
Fear of words is real fear,
The fear of what might be said,
They prod me unaware of the punch they could get
in return,
Who do they think they’re dealing with?
Everything’s so fucking funny,
So fucking clever,
So self righteous,
So unnecessary,
They can’t seem to hold anything back,
So why am I giving them the censored version?
Don’t they realise how much ammunition I have to fire back?
It’s quite an arsenal,
I could really let it fly,
But I’m just waiting for the right provocation,
Often simply knowing how bad I could upset them
Is enough to pacify me,
I keep my mouth shut and wallow in the knowledge of it all,
Wondering how they have the nerve,
The arseholes in the rusty old battleship don’t realise there is a
Nuclear submarine in the vicinity,
One day they might just find themselves blown out of the water.

2010-12-27T06:19:00.000-08:00

2010-12-26T00:32:00.000-08:00

Have a drink, invite it all

2010-12-24T09:02:00.001-08:00

Beware when the alcohol relaxes you,
Watch out when the booze makes you happy,
That’s when public transport will fail you,
That’s when they’ll want an argument,
That’s when they’ll bubble with criticism,
That’s when the computer will crash,
That's when your phone will be dead,
That’s when music devices won’t work,
That’s when you can’t think clearly,
That’s when the chemicals inside stop helping you,
And relaxation turns to rage.

Traffic jam, Station Road

2010-12-24T08:45:00.001-08:00

They need their poison at 10 am,
An indoor war memorial,
A park bench the weather can’t spoil,
Toothless laughter,
Incontinence unchecked,
A nasty expletive filled argument is pulled up short by the long suffering bar staff,
Some bicker,
Some stare into space,
The liquid is cold as it slips down,
As they shut down,
Suddenly outside,
Faltering in broad daylight,
A screech of brakes,
An addled glace,
Before the world span and the bones ripped through the skin,
Did you hear about old Charley?

2010-12-24T08:31:00.001-08:00

2010-12-19T06:25:00.001-08:00

Can they really talk?

2010-12-09T13:38:00.001-08:00

People need a distraction from themselves,
They watch T.V,
They see films,
They watch sport,
Play board games,
Go to fancy dress parties,
But do they really talk?
Killing time together,
Revealing nothing but opinions about the game,
About the film,
About that thing,
That isn’t them.

Did she tell you how much her holiday cost?

2010-12-08T15:04:00.001-08:00

If the lifestyle is worth the neglect,
If the trappings are worth the abuse,
If the money is worth the violence,
Then you deserve it all.

The girl who downloads viruses

2010-12-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

The girl who downloads viruses believes it all,
She is spoon fed her opinions by the tabloids and other
Manipulators of the gullible,
They tell her what to fear,
Who to hate,
And what to do about it,
She hysterically disseminates this misinformation feeling
self righteous,
Like she is providing a valuable public service,
But she’s been tricked again,
Played,
Taken for the fool that she is,
The girl who downloads viruses obediently forwards another
warning to all her friends,
Double click on the link,
Follow the instructions,
And download the virus.

When they are gone

2010-12-06T13:29:00.001-08:00

When they are gone she can say she was a good daughter,
Despite the fact that everything they did left her feeling let down,
Despite the fact that they didn’t care about each other,
Despite the fact that they were an embarrassment,
Despite the boring repetition of their co-dependency,
Despite being constantly dragged into their endless self inflicted problems,
Despite the disappointment,
Despite the tears,
When they are gone at least she can say she was a good daughter.

Parameters

2010-12-05T02:56:00.000-08:00

He got in his cage at five every night because it
saved an argument,
It had been agreed,
Those two hours in that cage meant that she would be off his back,
He sits on the floor and looks at her through the bars,
He resents being put in here,
He asked once if he could come out before the two hours were up and
She went crazy,
He won’t make that mistake again,
Relationships need parameters.

Rejoice

2010-12-01T07:39:00.001-08:00

Until you get that phone call,
Until you recieve those test results,
Until you see that blood,
Until you feel that pain,
Rejoice.

Picking at sores

2010-11-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

1000 contestants

2010-11-27T14:20:00.001-08:00

1000 contestants in a lifelong bullshit talking competition,
A tidal wave of empty talk comes flushing out of their mouths,
The love of melodrama,
The hard done by stories,
The way they think that bad luck only comes to them,
The pretentious chest puffin trips,
So important for no apparent reason,
Smug with nothing to be smug about,
Trying to impress with nothing impressive,
All handing out the free advice,
With mock conviction in their eyes,
You can find yourself almost believing what they say,
Then you snap out of it,
I know I’m hopelessly outnumbered,
They’re out there waiting to speak to me,
To try and educate me,
To inflict their shit on me,
I try to desensitise myself but they always find new
Ways to creep in the bullshit dialogue,
Turn your brain off and give it to me;
What’s your latest accusation?
What’s your latest denial?
What’s your latest hang up?
What’s your latest paranoia?
What’s your latest neurosis?
What’s your latest excuse?
Don’t worry about logic,
Don’t worry about reality,
Don’t worry about fact,
Don’t worry about the unlikelihood of what
You say actually happening,
Don’t let these things cloud your argument,
100000 contestants in a lifelong bullshit talking competition
all regurgitate their well practiced spiel,
I should be grateful for all the free entertainment.

2010-11-27T14:17:00.000-08:00

Real life

2010-11-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

Real life is broken glass,
Debt,
Crime,
Disease,
Fuck your stupid emotions,
You could find a way to miserable
In paradise,
Real life has nothing to do with the mess inside your head,
Real life is there regardless,
Torrential rain,
Mechanical failure,
Real life is beyond your control,
When the hurricane blows it’s going to take the roof
Off your house,
No matter what sort of mood you’re in,
There’s something strangely comforting about that.

Human

2010-11-25T10:01:00.001-08:00

I’ll laugh at your problems because I’m human,
I’ll think of myself first because I’m human,
I’ll take it all inside because I’m human,
You see an act,
I won’t say what I really mean because I’m human,
So human,
Predator and prey rolled into one,
I go from confidence to insecurity in a flash,
What I can and can’t do confuses me,
I can’t handle it all because I’m human just like you,
Too much to understand,
Too many distractions,
Contradictory information,
Mixed signals,
The horror of life makes me hide inside myself,
I end up just like those I hate,
We all do,
What I was sure of yesterday,
I’m not too sure of today,
What I think now is not what I thought then,
Everything is funny,
Everything can be criticised,
Everything can be destroyed,
I can’t be trusted because I’m human,
We won’t find the answer because there isn’t one,
I’ll change my mind,
I’ll take offence,
I’ll get it all wrong,
I won’t play the game because I’m human.

3 poems

2010-11-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

****

Give me something to worry about,
I can’t allow myself to be totally happy,
There must be something to spoil it,
A problem presents itself and I handle it badly,
No possible solution,
The end of the world,
But when I find that the problem is gone I’m
still not satisfied,
Something has to take its place,
I need new worries,
I just can’t enjoy myself all the way,
There always has to be some shit on the ice-cream,
Don’t tell me you are any different.

****
They want to upset,
I wish I could shut them out,
But even the most untrue remarks can pierce the armour
sometimes,
Some days they can get you almost as bad as they want to,
You try to not care but the bastards can be so low that it’s impossible
to ignore them,
You think you are getting better at dealing with them,
But then they really stick the knife in,
They remind you how vulnerable you really are,
That you’re not as emotionally tough as you would like to be,
You eventually harden to certain situations but you can never be
fully prepared,
They can hurt you,
You do care.

****

If only I knew then what I know now,
Hindsight screams out that you have fucked up,
Hindsight turns you on yourself,
Looking back is a bad habit,
The successes get forgotten,
The good times are unclear and poorly
remembered,
The failures are crystal clear,
Every tiny detail intact in the memory,
Hindsight is an enemy,
Treat it as such.

Depression

2010-11-24T09:57:00.001-08:00

Depression comes over like a wave. Does there need to be a reason? It all builds up. It creeps up on you. So much to think about that you can think about nothing. One large unmanageable mess. You can’t think about things one at a time. Thoughts get scrambled at times like these. Information overload. Negative, self-defeating thoughts attack you at your weakest moment. When you’re hungry. When you’re too tired. When you’re too hot. When you’re too cold. When you’re too far away. When you’re out of time. No answer to your problems. You feel useless. That all these hard years have been for nothing. You have been tricked, humoured and ignored all the way. You feel ugly. Stupid. Everyone else seems so together. They don’t seem to have problems like you have. They’re always. Having a good time. They are so confident. They just get on with it. Or so it seems. A lot of them are just pretending to be happy. Behind the fronts we choose to project cower very sensitive creatures. Depression is a massive underground cult. A well kept secret. A taboo subject. An admittance of weakness. An emotion that creates a torture chamber in the mind. Especially at night when things blow out of proportion to the point of ridiculousness. You can imagine any conspiracy occurring. It all falls into place. Depression supplies the problem, futility hides the solution and frustration delivers the final blow. If you’re lucky it makes you angry. But if it really gets you bad you just sit there not knowing how to even begin to handle it. It dents your spirit. It shuts you down. This is the most damaging time. There really seems no escape. Somehow you have to find your way back. To return to a normal functioning mode. Most of the time you can keep on top of it. Your emotional self defence system is working properly. But depression and frustration are always waiting to invade and occupy. Things seem to be going well then you start to erode. You start to crack. The good mood turns sour. The humour dies. The saving sense of irony collapses. Self doubt, panic, worry, insecurity and paranoia seem to be the brains favourite operating modes. The human being should be on product recall.

Single

2010-11-24T09:55:00.001-08:00

Without a partner,
Without a shoulder to cry on,
Only the cold shoulder,
The hard shoulder,
Convinced that you’re boring,
You’re ugly,
A sad case,
Forgotten how it feels to hold someone,
Forgotten how it feels to be in love,
It’s worse if you never have,
You feel vulnerable,
Insecure,
Kidding yourself that you don’t need to be in a relationship,
That you’re better off alone,
Raging envy,
Hate their happiness,
Ridicule it,
Can’t remember how to impress,
Rusty chat,
Irreparable charm,
They belong to another species,
Untouchable,
Forget your successes,
Dwell on your failures,
The rejections,
Wallow in the pain of unrequited love,
Make it your reason not to bother,
So bitter,
So foolish,
Drown yourself in booze,
Numb yourself with drugs,
Listen to your involved friends complain about their relationships,
But they’re not going to tell you how wonderful love is,
They’re going to bring up frictions and go on about how hard done by they are,
They say they envy your freedom,
But you envy them more than they will ever know,
You have no one to spend your money on,
They are victors in a game you are too scared and hurt to play,
But they are no better than you my friend,
They were just in the right place at the right time,
As you will be,
Love neglects no one.

Weakness

2010-11-21T03:08:00.001-08:00

They won’t admit their weaknesses. But that’s where it’s at: being human. Admitting weakness. Admitting fear. Admitting mistakes. The best way to impress someone is to cut through the mock-perfect front and admit to being fallible. This is not to say be totally pathetic but to be big enough to cut through the pretence. It’s easy to think that you’re a fuck up when all those around you are carefully hiding their own errors. We’re all in the same boat and it’s always refreshing to hear someone admit something instead of being full of self-important shit. Perfect is bullshit. Imperfect is truth. We’re all hopelessly flawed. If we all confess our weaknesses we might be able to give each other some genuine help. But pride and pretence will always cover the outward cracks leaving the problems in tact on the inside.

Self awareness

2010-11-21T03:02:00.001-08:00

It would be interesting if one day you could watch yourself,
If you could see how you seem to others,
Sit across the office from yourself,
Go to the pub and spy on yourself,
However perhaps this might not be such a good idea,
You might think you were an arsehole.

Better luck next time

2010-11-21T03:01:00.000-08:00

Colin

2010-11-17T15:10:00.001-08:00

Colin worked for that supermarket for ten years. Ten years of stacking shelves and sweeping up shit. Ten years of being told what to do by that prick Taylor. Ten years of wearing that fucking green uniform. Ten years of taking shit from customers. Ten years of watching younger people moving up the ranks while he stayed where he was. Only to be sacked for dropping a box of light bulbs. It was one of those young arseholes that made the decision too. Probably sucking up to Taylor. The fire brigade said it was definitely arson but the culprit didn’t leave anything that could identify them.

They are not your friends

2010-11-16T09:46:00.001-08:00

Bare your soul on social networking sites,
What do you want?
Their sympathy?
Their praise?
Their attention?
Set tongues wagging,
Put on a brave face,
Issue your press statement,
Your public relations announcement,
Not how you really feel,
Once you had a circle of friends,
Now you share your highs and lows with
Every tenuous acquaintance in your life,
Waiting for someone to poke their head out of the
Foxhole and allow themselves to be judged,
Let them instant message behind your back,
How annoying you are,
How ridiculous you are,
You violate your privacy willingly,
In this spiteful little world inside your computer screen.

Irony festival

2010-11-15T01:06:00.001-08:00

Life is an irony festival,
Problems are not problems,
A fuss about nothing,
A mountain out of a mole hill,
A few things can really stop you in your tracks,
The rest is just petty bullshit
That doesn’t matter,
I watch these fools and cannot suppress my laughter,
They things they say and the way they act
Defies logic,
They don’t get the joke,
They don’t realise how unintentionally
Funny they are,
Life is hard but they make it harder
Because they are too mature,
But they are not mature,
Their cool posing and actions
Deprive them of a lot of fun,
So grown up,
So false,
So pathetic,
They except their miserable lives because
They are stupid,
But life must be enjoyed,
You might not be here long,
These serious conformist nothings
Are great comics in a sad way,
For them,
Their lives are empty,
They pretend but it’s obvious that they’re
not happy,
Their happiness is conditional,
But the conditions are too rigid,
They have missed the point,
You have to be able to laugh at
Yourself as well as at other people,
We are all fools for one reason or
Another,
We all talk a lot of shit,
None of us really knows what the
Fuck we’re doing,
We all end up looking stupid,
Enjoy life in the present,
One moment at a time,
Don’t get so tense,
Don’t get so paranoid,
It’s a waste of time because
No one gives a shit,
See the funny side,
Enjoy life’s irony festival.

Ratrace

2010-11-13T05:42:00.001-08:00

Pathetic human ratrace,
Their life consists of a rigid
Set of goals that have to be achieved,
They have to have something to judge your
Progress by,
Your progress in their structure of
Objectives,
Everyone must be accounted for,
Who’s successful?
Who’s a failure?
There’s nothing wrong with ambition
As long as it’s your own,
Not the pressure they put on you,
The pathetic human ratrace expects you to
Conform,
But what are they going to do when the
kids have left home and the mortgage is paid?

What they would have done

2010-11-13T05:41:00.001-08:00

Lottery

2010-11-13T05:40:00.001-08:00

I’ll get around to adding the text here one of these days, too much to type! Until I can be arsed Watch the video instead.

Love is a fist

2010-11-13T02:15:00.000-08:00

Money

2010-11-13T02:14:00.001-08:00

How much money do you earn?
Most people are guarded about money,
It’s a very private thing,
Other people brag about their pay packet
As if to say “I’m better than you because
I get paid more than you!”
They may get more money than you but they
Probably have to give more of themselves for it,
More money often means more stress,
Too much stress means you’ve got a problem,
But still they keep asking how much money you earn,
These people piss me off,
There is no link between wealth and decency,
There is no link between having a lot of money and
being a good person,
Quite the opposite,
People who flaunt money tend to be smug arseholes,
You acquire money by circumstance more than you do
By intelligence.

Money poem read on Sydney radio station 2GB
****
You want more money,
Why?
We are conditioned to make money our god,
But greed is ugly,
Greed is weak,
Pathetic rats crawling over each other,
Misers and workaholics fill the grave yards,
Real happiness has no price tag.

Obvious consumer man

2010-11-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

Coffin

2010-11-07T12:25:00.001-08:00

Here’s a cheerful thought. Think about your coffin. Think about the wood it’s going to be made out of. By the time you get planted they might be using plastic coffins. Recycled from Burger King cartons.

Life

2010-11-07T12:17:00.001-08:00

In the post office

2010-11-06T12:35:00.001-07:00

The strangler

2010-11-06T07:06:00.001-07:00

Self help

2010-11-06T06:31:00.001-07:00

She severed his world from its moorings with one look,
With one touch he wanted to throw it all away,
He was desperate to join her on the epic expedition that is her life,
But he feared that one day she would finish one of
those fucking self help books and realise that he just
wasn’t what she needed.

Prepare to be let down

2010-11-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

Prepare to be let down,
Expect to be messed around,
Don’t expect anything to be
Particularly beneficial,
Chances are they’re going to try and take something away,
Don’t ever let them,
You shouldn’t have to do a lot of things,
But you fucking better.

Stupid questions

2010-11-05T10:14:00.001-07:00

They ask you stupid questions,
Because they’re bored
They try to irritate
Because they’re bored
They want to know why
Because they’re bored
You’re there to amuse
Because they’re bored
When you have nothing to think about
and you give them something
they milk it for all it’s worth
So bored with their lives
The same over and over again
Desperate
Like a disease
Please entertain us
Please relieve our boredom
We would rather feel anything than this.

?

2010-11-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

Don’t know what to do,
What to say,
Where to go,
Don’t know who to believe,
Who to trust,
Who’s right?
Who’s wrong?
Don’t know if this is the right road,
The right people,
The right decision,
The right attitude,
Don’t know if they understand,
If they realise,
If they care,
Life is a guessing game,
No one knows the answer.

Whoever she may be

2010-11-01T12:40:00.001-07:00

My boss is a prick but the attractive young woman across the hall
Puts her rubbish out wearing only a dressing gown,
The thought of that thing coming undone right in front of me one day
Makes it hard to listen to his latest tantrum,
He is a small man,
Dominated at home by his wife,
He gives me shit to feel more powerful,
But her bare legs silence him from my mind,
It doesn’t take much to do this,
Any pleasant thought will do,
And the best thoughts so often revolve around sex,
His most ridiculous outburst cannot hold my attention
As much as the smell of her perfume lingering in the air,
I do not need to defeat this annoying little man,
She has done it for me,
Whoever she may be.

Condemnation instead of praise

2010-11-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

Condemnation instead of praise,
Jealousy instead of sympathy,
They don’t get it,
Lies are believed,
The truth is ignored,
The wrong people are trusted,
Time is wasted in petty conflict,
They don’t realise,
Grinning buffoons rattle off their
Nothing talk,
Looking at you through confused
Eyes,
Scared eyes,
Uneasy,
Vulnerable,
They talk like machines,
They use familiar phrases;
“The shirt off my back”
“Putting food on the table”
Their jokes are old,
But they always seem to get a laugh,
They act like other people around
Each other,
Not like themselves,
They are scared of looking stupid,
Weak,
They have their fragile pride,
They have their flimsy pretence;
“ I AM HAPPY,
I DO NOT WORRY,
I CAN COPE IN ANY SITUATION,
I DO NOT FEEL FEAR,
I HAVE NO MONEY PROBLEMS,
I AM NEVER DEPRESSED,
MY LIFE IS PERFECT “
This is the person they want you to see,
The front they project to protect themselves,
But it lets them down,
It does not protect them,
It makes them lie to themselves,
It makes it difficult for the barriers to be brought
Down,
The real truth to be found,
It leaves them feeling on their own,
Excluded from the party that isn’t happening in the first place,
It makes them read the signals wrong,
Anger instead of calm,
Condemnation instead of praise,
Jealousy instead of Sympathy,
They just don’t understand.

The man who was going to kill himself

2010-10-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

The man who was going to kill himself washed his cup at work,
Otherwise they would just let the remains of his final
drink stagnate.
Like his life.
The man who was going to kill himself sat back at his desk
and looked around at the idiots who thought they were
Still alive.
The man who was going to kill himself turned off his computer
and left early,
Knowing that he would not have to make up the time,
The man who was going to kill himself walked by the
reception desk,
“Have a good weekend, see you on Monday” said the receptionist,
The man who was going to kill himself just smiled,
Knowing that he wouldn’t be alive on Monday,
He would be somewhere,
But not here.
The man who was going to kill himself caught the bus home,
To where it was going to happen,
He poured a large scotch and looked at the bottle of pills,
They rattled as he rolled the jar in his hand,
They would find him days later,
Slumped there in that chair,
Or on the floor,
Dead as a doornail,
The man who was going to kill himself took the lid from the
Jar and poured the pills into his hand,
They looked like mints,
He inhaled,
A dog barked in a nearby garden,
A T.V played loudly next door,
He exhaled,
The man who was going to kill himself changed his mind.

They might as well name this town after you

2010-10-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

I want to reclaim this town for myself,
Because everywhere reminds me of you,
I want to walk these streets without missing you next to me,
I want to enter these buildings and not feel the pain that I won’t see you,
These landmarks bring nothing but regret,
They might as well name this town after you.

How old are you?

2010-10-22T05:19:00.001-07:00

Argument

2010-10-21T11:11:00.001-07:00

Being drawn into another pointless argument,
There always has to be a problem,
Something you’ve done that they don’t like,
It doesn’t matter how petty it is,
You try to play it down,
To clear it up quickly and get on with your life,
But they don’t want it cleared up,
They want it to go on,
To damage you,
But it damages them more,
They don’t want to hear your reasoned argument,
And they can’t handle it when you snap and tell them what
You really think,
Why do they want to ruin the moment?
Why do they want sustained friction?
A bad atmosphere provoked unnecessarily,
It doesn’t have to be like this,
What’s wrong with these people?

Alan

2010-10-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

Zombie

2010-10-11T12:11:00.001-07:00

I heard that he had terminal cancer,
This once tormentor of mine,
I remember how I hated him,
He made me feel like dirt,
Stupid,
But since I heard that he has just months to live,
Only fond memories come flooding back,
Us laughing and feeling like we were getting away with murder,
I was a part of his world,
On the inside,
Protected,
I remember the times it was just him and me,
Deprived of an audience he did not mock me,
He seemed ill at ease,
Shy even,
He visited me in dream last night,
He was a Zombie,
His skull was visible and his flesh was hanging,
“But you’re dead?” I said stepping back in alarm,
He sneered at me,
Looking to see that someone would hear his next line,
His eyes twinkled “That’s right mate but I’d sooner be dead than be like you!”

My Grandma’s Wallpaper

2010-10-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

My Grandma’s Wallpaper was very bad,
Put up by my father in 1972,
The year of my birth,
It remained until she went into a care home suffering from dementia
thirty five years later,
As her only grandchild I was very spoilt,
Her flat was full of love, fun and comfort,
Much better than my parents house,
Which had rules,
I wept as I took that last look at her flat,
Nothing remained but that wallpaper,
That would be torn down by council decorators,
While they talked about football or women,
Men who could not have known or cared that this small space
Meant so much to me,
And is a part of my life which is gone forever,
I loved my Grandma but she is gone,
She could not have lived forever.

Blame

2010-10-09T08:59:00.001-07:00

There’s got to be someone to blame,
Someone to hate,
Machinery cannot be emotionally crippled,
Blame the operator,
Do not take human error into account,
It waters down the hatred,
There must be no other reason than absolute neglect,
Almost as if it were deliberate,
There’s always got to be someone to blame.

Those were the days

2010-10-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

Reminiscing.
Those were the days.
It was so much better back then.
Was it really?
No.
It wasn’t was it?
Those days were as bad as these but for different reasons.
Eventually these days will be looked back upon..
“Those were the days!” you will reminisce fondly.
Stick it up your arse.

Fish and chips

2010-10-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

Flickering

2010-10-07T10:05:00.001-07:00

His armchair,
Her armchair,
The light from the T.V flickering
On their faces,
They watch expressionless,
Minimal conversation,
It disturbs the viewing,
Every night the same,
In front of the plastic box,
Silent,
She goes to bed,
He watches till late,
Expressionless,
The light from the T.V flickering on his face.

You hear her first

2010-10-07T10:03:00.001-07:00

Her head pecks as she screams threats,
Better shrink away unless you want to die,
Her pretty face contorts into an ugly sneer,
That’s how she gets things done,
How everyone she knows gets things done,
The law is an inconvenience,
There to protect the cowards,
Like her neighbours,
And the social workers,
Granddad used to hit Nan,
Mum fell into a bottle of vodka and didn’t come out,
And Dad fucked off one day,
Just like her manners.

Envy

2010-10-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

Holiday photos

2010-10-03T08:16:00.001-07:00

The facts of life

2010-10-02T02:06:00.000-07:00

They sat their ten year old son down to tell him the facts of life. They had put it off for a long time but it was about time he knew. His father told him that life was not fair and that people cheat and lie and do not feel any guilt about doing it. His mother explained that he would have to be prepared to sacrifice all of his principles if he were to survive. As an after thought they told him about reproduction.

Apathy bites

2010-10-02T02:05:00.001-07:00

People spend their whole lives desperately trying to produce something to justify their existence. However, when they do have an achievement to show off they realise that no one wants to look at it.

Love is a ligature

2010-09-25T07:54:00.001-07:00

They were happy once but now they’re not
He remembers the day that photo was taken
Love filled him and he danced in her eyes
Her lips healed him
But years have passed and now that photo lies
Her eyes now burn with accusation
Those lips belittle
Bricks and blood imprison them
Love is a ligature

It doesn’t work

2010-09-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

You don’t pass the test She doesn’t fancy you Your car won’t start Nobody you know at the party The stain didn’t come out He’s funnier than you Cash point machine empty Off licence closed No answer on the phone Oil leak Flat tyre No money Boring night out Bad film Your best friend is a prick Clothes getting tight Listening to fucking racist homophobic bullshit Missed last train home Masturbating too much CD jumps Bad back Bruised face Broken glass Bright light Feeling sick No appetite People pretending to be happy Tread in dog shit Flat battery Scratched paintwork Being patronised Ugly face No confidence Can’t get drunk Last orders Out of stock Cancelled Car stolen She didn’t text back Impotent Rail replacement bus Redundancy Dole House repossessed No toilet paper Can’t piss Caught red handed Broken into Beaten up Gut full of fear Lost Divorced Upset Isolated Given up Dead

The Novelty

2008-05-04T01:39:00.001-07:00

He’s a writer,
A poet,
A novelty,
But he’s unpublished,
Invalidated,
I wonder if I could play the game?
Do I need the obsession?
Vulnerable to the fickle opinion of strangers,
Could I stand the rejection letters?
Could I stand the bad reviews?
Could I stand the poor sales?
Could I stand to be misunderstood?
Could I stand to be ignored?
The jaded agents and publishers who have
seen it all before,
Could I compromise to fit their market?
Their commercial demographic,
Sign your life away fool,
Don’t quit your day job just yet,
Congratulations you’re just increased your debts,
Could I stand the bitchiness of other writers?
Could I stand their spite?
I’m the unpublished writer and poet with
an audience of one,
‘Dare to fail’ people say with eyes equally
full of cliché,
But when you set goals to measure success you
invite the concept of failure,
And failure makes you stop doing that thing,
That once was therapeutic,
That once was fun,
Success is when what you want to say appears
on the page in front of you,
Like this.

Going back

2008-04-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

In that painful moment of hurt you swear
you’ll never forgive,
In that raging moment of anger you swear you’ll
never forget,
That wound,
That insult,
Never going back to that place,
Never going back to that person,
But during the separation the bruising fades,
The pain subsides,
Your curiosity forces you to reappraise,
To reacquaint,
Your return is cathartic,
An exorcism,
You’re empowered by your choice to forget,
Made stronger by your ability to forgive,
And you start again.

Selfishness saves lives

2008-04-20T09:39:00.001-07:00

Selfishness saves lives. We’re under pressure to think of other people first. To put our needs last. Doing what you want to do is seen as an act of selfishness. Instead you are supposed to do things you don’t want to do just to please others. A cloudy sense of duty forces you to conform. However, selfishness is a misused word. Accusations of selfishness are a common weapon used in emotional blackmail. If you set yourself up as a selfless generous person, you’re setting yourself up for a disappointment. The ’if I’m kind to everyone, everyone will be kind to me’ philosophy hopefully goes only as far as the first betrayal. The human animal is very difficult to please. You can go right out of your way to please them and they still resent it. It’s a terrible thing to realise that that you have wasted years trying to make everyone else happy (mostly in vain) at the expense of your own happiness. Putting your own happiness first is not such a heartless action. The only person you really have any control over is yourself. Do as much to make yourself happy as possible. A contented person is a strong person and a strong person is an inspiration. If making time for yourself is selfish then the concept of selfishness is wrong. Selfishness saves lives.

The chip

2008-04-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a chip on their shoulder. You don’t get this far without having some personal grievance with life. Too fat? Too ugly? Did circumstances conspire against you somewhere down the line? You can feel good but then you start thinking about it. You remember. The chip on your shoulder rears its ugly head to spoil your happiness. Often it’s something too embarrassing and painful to talk about. You don’t want people to bring it up. Identify it and confront yourself about it. You might find some better way of dealing with it or even a way to put it behind you for good. Remember, everyone has a chip on their shoulder but they hide it well. They would sooner have you believe they are perfect.

Dimebag

2008-04-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

He spoke for the last time to his brother,
Then took that final walk on stage,
The gunman rushed out of the crowd,
Firing,
Firing,
Firing,
He lay dead,
His guitar still alive and screaming,
He was my hero,
We had never met but still I felt bereaved,
He died for nothing,
For no reason,
But to millions of fans he will never die,
I’ll remember him forever,
Listen to him forever,
You showed me what it was all about.
Thank you.

Reminders

2008-04-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

My Granddad Alf went to sea on a hospital ship
when war broke out,
My Granddad Les went into Europe with the Artillery,
They saw death and destruction in a war that
affected the whole world,
They didn’t know when it would end,
They didn’t know if they would even survive,
All they knew was that they had no choice,
When I think I’ve got it bad,
When I think that life sucks,
I look at the photos they gave me,
Black and white photos taken in
dangerous places,
They are smiling.
And so do I.

Everything is everywhere

2008-04-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

Tired of these same streets,
Tired of these same people,
But streets like these are everywhere,
People like this are everywhere,
You could travel to the end of the earth and it would be
just as familiar,
They would be as familiar,
Everything is everywhere.

In one sentence or less

2008-04-19T07:12:00.000-07:00

We sum up each others lives in one sentence or less,
Their failings are the most interesting aspect of their lives,
We want to dish the dirt,
The scandal,
That friendly guy you just met?
His wife left him,
That girl who served us coffee?
She used to be an alcoholic,
One mean little sentence to sum up an entire life,
Like a jaded tabloid reporter focusing on what
sells papers,
Who cares how long ago it was?
Who cares if your version is inaccurate?
And how we bristle when it’s done to us.

Under the regime

2008-04-19T03:24:00.000-07:00

We are living under the regime,
There has to be a regime or chaos would reign,
There has to be leaders,
There has to be people in charge,
People who answer to no one,
These people must make every bad decision possible,
These people must create problems for those living under
the regime,
These people must not care,
The people at the top must have no empathy for the people
at the bottom,
The people at the bottom must dislike and distrust the people at the top,
The leaders have the power,
They can do what they like,
They can make it very difficult for the individual,
They have the authority,
We live on under the regime.

Fragile attacker

2008-04-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

Fragile attacker,
Made of paper,
Insulting you,
Provoking you,
You take a deep breath and blow,
They crash to the ground,
Mortally wounded,
They attack but retaliation
cripples them,
In their fantasy world it's a
one way street,
You have no right to defend yourself,
Against such a fragile attacker.

Boy racer funeral

2008-04-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

Boy-racer funeral,
His friends stand with their heads bowed in
respect for the fallen hero,
That is the friends that weren’t in the car at the time,
In the fireball,
What a terrible accident,
But is overtaking on the brow of a hill whilst
racing a stranger an accident?
Or an act of gross stupidity?
Eye witness reports claimed his car was doing
over a hundred,
It was a miracle that no one in the oncoming car was killed,
The other boy-racer saw what happened and kept going,
Five boys were killed,
Aged between 17 and 20,
His mother and father weep uncontrollably,
But they can’t forget what the police said,
And they can’t forget about the other boys who died with him,
Because of him,
They can’t forget that it’s a boy-racer funeral.

Never been

2008-04-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

Never been a learner driver,
Never been new to the job,
Never been nervous,
Never made a mistake,
Never lied your way out,
Never hurt someone's feelings,
Never felt stupid,
Never felt lonely,
Never cried,
We choose to forget these things,
They impair our desire to gloat.

A good son

2008-04-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

No stolen property in the wardrobe,
No needle marks in the arm,
No unwanted pregnancies,
Never stole money from you,
Never stole a car,
Never phoned you from the cells,
Whatever else you may think;
You've got a good son.

It's amazing how they justify

2008-04-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how they justify,
It's amazing how they make it alright,
Turn it around on you,
Make you the answerable one,
They keep on justifying,
Blocking out the truth and repeating the lie,
Continued deception,
Lies are weapon,
To conceal,
It's amazing how they justify.

Shut the hospitals

2008-04-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Shut the hospitals,
Close the schools,
Make it easier to die,
Make it harder to be educated,
Is this all part of the masterplan?
Make them ill,
Make them stupid,
Make them easier to control,
The last thing you want is too many
strong and intelligent citizens,
They would overthrow you in an afternoon.

We the persecuted

2008-04-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

We the persecuted,
Ill and opressed,
Targets they cannot miss,
Keep us down,
Keep the whining dogs quiet,
Show us the futility in resistance,
Use us,
Grind us,
Silence us,
Let repetition blind us,
So that we can't see that
we are the persecuted.

Don't wage war on your enemies

2008-04-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

Don’t wage war on your enemies,
That takes guts.
Wage war on your friends,
Your loved ones,
Take your frustration out on them,
Erode unity,
Erode love,
Punish the innocent to avenge
Your spineless handling of the guilty.

Death of a romance

2008-04-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

Death of a romance,
Ruin of a friendship,
Wrong emotions,
Wrong words,
Misunderstandings unresolved,
So easy to feud,
So easy to hate,
So easy to destroy,
Those you once confided in,
Those you once loved;
Are now targets,
Cease communication,
Take sides,
Guilty by association,
Analyse every moment you spent with them,
Every word spoken,
Beat your chest,
Cover your sense of loss with
Delusions of innocence and perfection,
It couldn’t possibly have been anything you did.